| Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving |
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| What is the purpose of the propeller? To keep the pilot cool. If you dont think so, just stop it and watch him sweat |
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| I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where is the self-help section? She answered, If I tell you, it will defeat the purpose |
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| The child comes home from his first day at school.Mother asks,What did you learn today?The kid replies,Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow |
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| Man: Want to Dance?Woman: No, thank you.Man: Dont thank me, thank God somebody asked you |
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| Do you ever notice that when you are driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac? |
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| It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet! |
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| A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass! |
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| i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg! |
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| Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!! |
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| Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all! |
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| Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster |
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| A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home |
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| At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on |
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| The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you? |
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| i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again |
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| Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get |
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| Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't make much sense until i read it upside down... |
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| MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN?? |
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| Pls remind me 2 remind u about remindin me to send u dis reminder oh dat reminds me can u remind me wot the reminder was ive forgot! |
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| Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!! |
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| Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb! |
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| This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT! |
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| A)Ur Attractive B)Ur Buff C)Ur Charmin D)Ur Delicious E)Ur Excitin F)Ur Funny G)Ur Gorgeous H)Ur Heavenly I)Im J)Just K)Kiddin L)Loser! |
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| HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press down* HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press up* |
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| Wot letters r missin in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & u get a heart!if u pick U,u will get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than have a heart without U! |
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| if u notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing!!! |
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| I have the "I".I have the "L".I have the "O".I have the "V".I have the "E"... so pls |
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| wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox! |
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| This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience |
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| Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said! |
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| I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION |
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| Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u? |
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| You’re Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact you’re becoming more like me everyday! |
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| Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number! |
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| Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh damn im sorry i have the wrong number |
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| NEWS FLASH: The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. |
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| NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off. |
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| *NEWSFLASH* An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand! |
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| *NEWSFLASH* A woman was found dead in her home 2day!She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer! |
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| *NEWSFLASH* Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?) |
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| NEWFLASH tell all ur female m8s dat u can get 1000 tampons for £1.No strings attacthed but 4 limited period.Its a bloody good deal! |
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| I'm @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss |
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| im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up! |
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| i hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 0569 - distracting public with ur xtreme good looks &sex appeal.remain silent & report 2 my bedroom |
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| 4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog! |
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| 3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds! |
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| Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market! |
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| Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem! |
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| Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantly full of crap |
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| 5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! |
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| If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas! |
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| Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur smiling who wil it go2 next? |
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| Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part? |
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| girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected! |
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| A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart! |
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| THE NHS REGRETS TO INFORM U THAT UR BIRTH WAS AN ACCIDENT.PLEASE REPORT TO UR NEAREST HOSPITAL TO BE PUT DOWN.WE APOLOGISE 4 ANY INCONVINIENCE |
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| Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don't annoy me for the next 12 months!!!! |
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| why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts. |
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| Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon....& suddenly I thought...where on earth is my roof? |
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| If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT? |
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| Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meetin cant start because the monkey is reading this text |
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| God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY! |
